Dear Diary

Feelings SUCK!!!!!!! I have alot of feelings for this boy....

....and well I am not sure he has the same feelings for me as I do for him. I am one that notices the little things. It took him 3 months to get my number after we had hooked-up on Halloween. And 2 weeks later we went our first date.

I really like him but he didn't say good-bye before he left for 6 months to work at the DisneyPark in Orlando,Fl. It was my fault that I lost my phone before he left. And I understand that he wanted to be with his fraternity brothers before he left and things weren't that serious between us so he wasn't obligated too. So I mean that's fine.

It was really awkward the last time we hung out. I tried kissing him and he was not about it. Yet he was leading me when he had to go to the br and get more beer. He told me that he didn't want to h/u (make-out) cause we couldn't be anything. Yeah he was leaving and i graduating. But I told him we should just live in the moment. We were both wasted but still.

What bothers me about the whole situation is I assumed that he really liked me. And like now its weird. I don't know whether or not to move on or not. Cause if he really likes me, I am willing to wait. My senior project is going to allow me to stay in Philly after I graduate so waiting is no big deal. But if not, then fine I'll move on. It will be difficult but I am willing to do it.

I have a tendency to be super clingy (boys have said that I can be) And this is an extremely exciting time for him. Shit he is going to work at Disney!! That is so exciting and he probably doesn't want to be tied down while he is in Orlando looking uber fine with tons of girls around him. Seriously if I was him, I would be having the time of my life.

I am on okcupid.com with the assumption that I should move on. But I don't really want to. I felt so comfortable around him. He liked me for me and my crazy shinnanaggins. I like him for him. He is a great adorably sexy human with such amazing motivation and ambition. I strive to be a better human just so i can impress him.

I wish he would just share his feelings with me. Maybe then I would feel better about the whole situation. Idk if i should text him or fb chat him or just wait for him to reach out to me. I dont want to be waiting forever or waiting for something that wont come.

All n All, I am super happy that he is pursuing his dreams. He should be having the time of his life and not worrying about little old me.I am just stuck with leftover unresolved feelings.