Friday, November 25, 2011

Growing Up

So what does it mean to be a grown up?

Just because time goes by does mean your grown up because your older?

this is the struggle that I am facing right now. I am trying to figure out where I fit in this world. I know I sound like a whiney little bitch. But I am just trying to figure out my passion.

I love my website idea. I think i am going to fight for that. Just got a job interview for Macy's. Hopefully i get the job so i can pay for the site.

Its time to start living my life. Starting now. And making my baby real

Happy Thanksgiving!

Just had my first thanksgiving in Nashville and well it was interesting.

The day started out great, fabulous. I made two pumpkin pies from scratch (including the crust), the stuffing and some veggies. Plus I got to see the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. And Tim Burton had a balloon. It has been 5 years since the last time I saw the parade. (Usually I sleep through it.)

My uncle and aunt (my mothers brother and his wife) came over dinner. And it was quite lovely. I miss hanging out with them. Its been years since I have actually spent time with them the way that I did last night. It was pretty awesome connecting with my uncle especially. He taught be about cars and electricity.

Foot note:
Working on this blog post led me my new year's:
Be a more consistent blogger. 

Thursday, November 17, 2011


What is love? And how do you know your in love? 

Well after reading countless relationship blogs and just stumblingupon all things love. It is really hard to tell what love is. One thing is for sure. It is all about connection. 

I am no expert. Especially since I pick the wrong kind of guys to fall in love with. They are all good boys (well most of them) the just were never right for me. I think after going through dating hell. I may have found my first boyfriend after 4 years. 

When I am with him the world stops. Its just us and the world. He gave my first orgasm. He finds me beautiful and sexy. I love the way he is a southern gentlemen. And how he has beauty is in his  baby blues and blonde hair. He is my tall glass of lemonade. :)  I just melt when i am with him. 

Is this love? Idk but it sure feels like it. 

So the reason, I am putting up pictures of myself is because i just got a modeling gig in philly!!! Totally sucks i am in nashville. At least my lemonade lives in here. 


Friday, November 4, 2011

Working Out

So I have been looking for online workout videos. Why? Cause I would rather workout at home, record what i do, and then critique it for improve movement. So i have been scouring the internet for good work out videos. This is what I have found so far:

5 Min Bollywood Workout

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Amazing Discoveries

Gavin Worth makes sculptures out of wire

Most Carved away egg. 

Check these Out

A little make-up goes along way for zombie boy.


Halloween is full of freaky fun. 

Sorry I haven't been around. I have just been taking a stay-cation and learning about myself. I have been on Adderall my whole life and suddenly I am not. So basically I have been struggling with what to do. Right now I am getting introduced to a me and well. It has been fun learning about myself. But now I want to do something with my life. My newest man in my life has a career and "discovering myself" isn't exactly a job description. I need to do something in my life that isn't him. 
Granted he is handsome and seriously when I see him, I drool. But he can't be the only priority in my life. So here is my life plan: 

Build an online social empire. 

And so basically that is what I am going to do. Cause thats all I really know well. Is how to connect people and now I am just using myself as a product. I am also killing two birds with one stone. 

The picture above is my halloween costume <3 


Halloween is full of freaky fun. 

Sorry I haven't been around. I have just been taking a stay-cation and learning about myself. I have been on Adderall my whole life and suddenly I am not. So basically I have been struggling with what to do. Right now I am getting introduced to a me and well. It has been fun learning about myself. But now I want to do something with my life. My newest man in my life has a career and "discovering myself" isn't exactly a job description. I need to do something in my life that isn't him. 
Granted he is handsome and seriously when I see him, I drool. But he can't be the only priority in my life. So here is my life plan: 

Build an online social empire. 

And so basically that is what I am going to do. Cause thats all I really know well. Is how to connect people and now I am just using myself as a product. I am also killing two birds with one stone. 

Thursday, September 15, 2011


Alot has happened since my last post.  Here are the highlights:

  • been fortunate to have the opportunity to take a road trip to Asheville with my friend Jess. 
  • job interviews in NYC and San Fran
  • moving on from Disney (mainly because he got a gf) 
  • self discovery: the wild days are over 

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Welcome back!

So it has been a whole since my last blog post and that is because i have been focusing on graduating and applying for jobs. Check out my awesome cover letter as I pack 

Monday, July 11, 2011


My life has been ridiculous to the point where I need to document it.
My fourth of July is amazing. I woke up, went with my friend and her cousin to camp out a spot to see the free Fourth of July Jam. The Roots were headlining plus Sarah Barielles, Estelle, DJ Jazzy Jeff, Michael McDonald and Earth, Wind and Fire. The surprise guest was Boyz II Men. Fuck It was amazing. 

 I wish put the video up soon. As soon as google will let me. Anyways that was a blast. Some drama when on but that beside the point. It was fucking fabulous. 

The next couple days have been a blur. I have been a total cougar by hanging around so many younger boys. In my opinion is just fun and games. I have been living a fully single life and every second as been amazing. Especially with the amount of ridiculousness my life has gotten into. And would not regret a single second of it. This is my last summer to really dick around. Thankfully I have this opportunity to enjoy boy, guys and MeN! omg has it been fun.

I love hanging out with guys and just seeing them bro out. It sounds strange but I just love it. Girls are so catty and bitch. Thankfully I found my two other musketeers. We get along amazingingly. Its great. As musketeers, we still together and are each others wing women.  I have been the wing woman for a bit, and got to be just one of the bros. Fucking awesome. (If you haven't noticed I curse like a sailor.) I am a clutz who has got her shit together. I am embracing my comfortably in my own skin and just hanging out having a good time. 

Plus I got some cuddling cougar action. It was fabulous especially since two days later I got mistaken for a high school senior. Naturally looking young with my new body feels great.

Monday, June 27, 2011


In-between commencement and building my career, my life has been pretty hectic.  

Commencement was short and hectic. No one told us (the students) anything. So it was a controlled chaos where they had us all wait and get name cards. Of course, I managed to slip through the cracks and they forgot about me. Which is fine, I didn't take it personally. Although there weren't many pictures taken which is unfortunate. 

On the bright side, the director of my major (pictured above) and dean of my college met my entire family. Which I thought was AWESOME!!!!! I got to talk about my senior thesis which is now becoming a company and about the entertainment industry. The dean said that he would love to record me  talk about my major and about dance. This was especially flattering because my family got to hear it first hand. 

I haven't listened to this song since the 5th grade. My friends tried to play this song for me earlier this year, and i couldn't handle it. I needed to listen to this song on my own. This songs brings back so many memories. Graduating from college is a big thing but like since I now know what I am doing it hasn't hit me until now. 
This entry is extremely emotional to me. Because this my opportunity to reflex the past four years. Since you can't see as tears fill my eyes with every letter I type, I am going to take you on a journey to how amazingly difficult my college experience was and how I would not change a single moment of it as I look back. 

Friday, May 20, 2011


I just finished working on the Drexel Players production of Noises Off!. It is the final mainstage production in the season before I graduate. Definitely worked my ass off to help put on an amazing show. I spent the majority of the past 1.5 months working on building the revolving set. I took any role I could to learn all aspects to learn what it took to put on such a massive show.

My addiction to paint was put to use during this show. There were many pieces of wood painted to look like wood in a two step process during this show. First the piece of wood was painted yellow and then wood brown.  Basically colors that are similar to my high school colors. The process was tediously mindless and I was okay with that. Actually i loved it.

Not only was I able to utilize my painting skills, I also got the opportunity to get over my fear of the catwalk that hung over the house. During focus, I got assigned the lights in-between the two catwalks. In true spider monkey fashion, I climbed over the safety bar to adjust the lights for the show. It was pretty awesome to develop the ability to ignore the fear of being so high to fulfill my assignment. Definitely a useful skill to apply to my every day life.Not only was I able to work on the production side, but I got the opportunity to be on run-crew. This has been a goal of mine for the past 3 years, and to finally achieve it was simply amazing. Boy, was I in for a challenge when I accepted the opportunity to be on run-crew.

I was super excited for tech to the point there were 5-6 alarms set. Unfortunately they weren't loud enough. Luckily I woke up not too late, (but still late) for the start of tech. For those of you not involved in theatre. Tech is the time when the crew works together for the first time. The actors have been rehearsing for weeks so they know what they are doing. They don't know however, know how to get in sync with what they crew is doing. For example, learning the rhythm of how the show runs and how to work the transitions.

I was mess going into tech. I learned that I got assigned to wardrobe and this worried me greatly. Mainly because the last time I sewed was while I was still involved in Girl Scouts. I was a member of troop 900 from kindergarden until sophomore year of college. Sophomore year was two years ago, and it had been years prior since i held a needle. Learning new skills at a rapid rate is a bit intimidating. I scheduled time with the costume shop director to start reviving my sewing skills. Even though I tried to prevent this from happening, the majority of tech was spent being frustrated and on the last day, i freaked out and cried.

Although my first/tech experience was emotional, I learned an enormous amount. The technical director, Mark Andrews and the Stage manger of the production, Katie (who is also one of my good friends) sat down with me and basically explained the process of what it takes to be on run-crew. I was not alone in expressing an immense amount of frustration during tech. Also during the sit down, I was able to learn about the hierarchy of production. For example, the producer, technical director and stage manger all have leadership roles during different stages of a production. If you want to learn more, watch Mel Brooks's The Producer or Wikipedia information. (I would choose to watch the Producers first.)

Even though tech was full emotions, I stayed strong and continued to be on the run-crew. There were definitely moments where I wanted to quit. But overall, I am happy I stayed. What I did on wardrobe was quick change Sweetpea, he played Tim in our production, and make sure Brooke (played by Laura) and Tim had their outfits on side of their entrances. What that means is, during the transition before the start of Act II, I had to make sure Tim had his change of shirts, pants and shoes were on stage left as well as Brooke's sunglasses, purse and fur coat. While at the same time, making sure props were in their proper spot for the start of Act II and the as the set moved I watched the wire. I was quite forunate to have so many jobs. Also it was extremely fulfilling to constantly having the feeling of being needed.

One of the main fears, I had going into this production being on run-crew was overcoming that fear of not being needed. That the only reason I was put on the crew was being I was a senior and this was the last opportunity for me to be on run-crew.  Thankfully, I was needed and this intensified my backstage experience.

Because I had a purpose, this allowed me to loosen up and really soak in the Noises Off! backstage environment. There were so many elements needed to put on this production, it was fascinating to watch them all come together. Every person had a role to play, but how everyone got into and played their role was different. The each actor had a very different process of how they got into character. And since I was part of wardrobe, I got to witness their transformation into the person written in the script but with their individualize flair. And then it was a whole another ball game as to how the run-crew prepared for roles in the production. The sound technicians created a light show with their sound check to music.  Definitely a crew bonding experience.  The theatre is very theatrical. More so then the average patron realize.

Watching everyone in their element was definitely an experience, that not many people opportunity people get to experience. And with the way the arts as a whole are going, this frightens me. My experience working on the production of Noises Off! definitely enlighten me on how my senior project can be used to change the arts. Right now they are all fighting for the same consumer, yet the team behind the curtain knows how to work together to put on a production that combines many different elements. Why can't performing arts groups as a whole unite?

That is the question, I am answering with my senior project. And i a starting by uniting college students using the arts as a meeting ground. If it wasn't for my involvement with the show Noises Off!, I don't I would be able to create such a clear way to change the arts as a whole for the better on a global level. It is simply baffling, how one event can accumulate an immense knowledge that can be applied to other parts of my life. I knew my senior project was going to help future Mandell productions, however I did not expect to gain a new perspective on life and how this experience brought my senior project to a new level of improvement.

While I was absorbing the experience of this opportunity, I made cards for some of the cast and crew. Unfortunately i wasn't able to make cards for everyone, but luckily I was invited to the senior gala to give the rest out. To make the cards I handed out to people, I first drew out a stencil and then used it to cut out stars. Once there were enough stars, I colored them  in various colors and patterns before I sewed them to customized card size using turquoise and royal purple thread. On the last day of the run, I printed out pictures of people I took the night before at the cast party and then sewed them on the opposite side of the card from the star inside the card. On the inside of the card, I wrote a personalized note to every recipient. There reason I put so much effort into the cards, is because I wanted people to realize how much it meant to me for them to include me as a member of the crew. This was a very special production for me. I wanted everyone to know that I was taking it seriously.


Saturday, May 7, 2011

So I hate wasting my time without a valid reason

I am tech right now for noises off, and it fucking blows. I have spent more time blogging and talking to other people than anything productive. I asked to be on crew and got stuck with wardrobe and it blows. I am trying my hardest to find the good in a terrible situation but it is not worth it. I feel like i am just taking  up oxygen and space without any purpose. Since I was put on wardrobe, I made an effort and went down to the costume shop to learn how to use the sewing machines. Even brought my rip pants to work with.

It fucking sucks that I have been busting my ass for no reason. Breaks my heart.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Out of breathe


Rutgersfest '11 was RIDICULOUS! Then Mel and I went to my grandparents for the Passover Seder.  It was so much fun and

Out of breathe

Sunday, April 17, 2011

My grant application has been sent and now I just have to wait. Oh fun!! lol
Now I am focusing on the now instead of the future and living life. And since I am doing that, I am wondering if it is worth it to stay faithful (even though we were never official) with Disney.

On friday, I went to visit my almost brother at Rutgers. It was so much fun!! I love him and his Sammy brothers. What made the weekend better was one of his brothers that I had a crush on when I first met him is now single! I met him 2 years ago and have been to a few events over the years that we both attended.
It would be amazing if a boy actually fought for me. That's all a boy needs to do to impress me. As soon as I like a boy my game goes. It would mean the world to me if the man took control and swept me away so our conversations will be easy.
Last night, a group of boys came up to my friends and I to talk. Even though my friends got distracted with something else they stayed and talked to me. Which was really nice. Made me feel a bit special 

Apple iphone 4 Problems

I have gone through 4 going on 5 iphone 4's. How ridiculous is that???  

July: Waited in line for the iphone 4 on the day it was released. 

August: Left my phone on the roof of my car and well...... 

August: Dropped my phone face down, cracked the screen. 

October: Cracked the back 

March: Left my phone in a cab and it drove off to the ghetto 

April: Cracked my screen and now the buttons (theres only two) wont work.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

AAHH Excitng

My 1st Draft of my Grant Application is DONE!!!

Going to see my "Almost-Brother/Best Friend" Zack and his fraternity brothers for Rugtersfest!!!!

I am going to see Lady Gaga on Tuesday!!!! 


All my hard work has been paying off!!! It feels good to have things come easy for once. I have been handed a plate of shit for years, finally life is giving me a 5 star meal. 

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


I just finished my first draft of my grant application!!! Yay!! This is one huge leap towards launching my website. Fingers crossed I get the money!! If i get the money I will use it to pay the web designer. I think that's the guy that makes all the code. Should probably already know that lol.  
I do have some leverage for getting my grant accepted. Turns out that the people that would give me the money and help me launch my site, need to connect with the students in my major. Whoot Whoot bonus points lol!! 

Talking to Disney. I am so bad at conversations lol.


You know I have realized as I think about Disney and my friend's relationship dilemma's? The exes do more long term damage then they realize. I have a TERRIBLE track record thus far. And I have only had 4 relationship in the past 8 years. None of them were longer than 3 months at the most. the last boyfriend I was when I was going into my senior year of high school. Ask me sometime about the shit he did to me. You will think it came from a horror or lifetime movie.

My superior taste in men plus some intense family drama has caused me to have major trust issues with men. I think that is why i have been having a hard time dealing with open things were left when Disney went to Disney. He is the first sweet, sexy, handsome man that has liked me. (That I noticed lol) I don't want to loose him. We have great chemistry in public and private. There aren't any expectations because we want to be together. Hopefully he will text me on my birthday, cause then I know he still thinks about me. Plus if he does then I can start planning my trip to visit and see him in his steamy flight suit costume he has to wear. ; ) 


There are gunna be some changes to my posts from now on. I am going to try to incorporate at least one picture with every post. I think that will break up some of my longer entries and give my new readers a new reason why they should read. lol

According to my friends, I am a strong, confident person. This is a total shocker to me. I think of myself as someone that is confused and insecure. Guess I gotta work on my inner self image then.

  I need to overcome my fear of cockroaches. Yesterday there was a massive one in my apt! I spider-ed up the walls when i saw it. And then i almost left my apt without my keys or cellphone when it came towards me. Gosh I hate big bugs.
So I figured out how to sort my feelings about Disney. I am definitely going to wait until he returns. Last night, I read all about his and mine horoscopes. I didn't do any capability tests, just simply read about the traits certain signs.  They were dead on about my sign Taurus. It was a bit mind-blowing how true the descriptions a  Taurus was. When I read his, I realized that I need to back off n give him space cause his sign does not do well to clingy people.  I'm weird don't judge lol.

I think I am doing the right thing by waiting. It proves to myself that I can be faithful to someone while they are away. Plus not focusing on boys give me time to spend time with my friends that are leaving soon and my senior project. Also when I partied at his fraternity, a boy recognized me as being his date. And he said that he could see why Disney likes me. A compliment I found quite flattering and one of the few specific things I remember of that night lol. They serve some STRONG mixed drinks and I had more than 5. Just saying

 I have been busy with my senior project and homework. Don't worry I haven't forgot about keeping you updated. As a token of my apology for being gone a few days, below is a first draft of a comedy skit I am currently working on.

The Family followed by the Rabbi and the Hertz are arriving to the cemetery for the burial ceremony on warm sunny day. Just as my grandma steps out of the car, a  strange woman  enters.

Woman: I'm sorry you can't bury the body here.

Grandma: And why is that?

Woman: You didn't fill out the forms properly.

Grandma: How do you know?

Woman: You are here to bury Dr. Hollander right?

Grandma: No really how do you know?

Woman: It was put on the schedule but left incomplete. I need your forms.

Grandma: I don't understand, I called three - four times over the past two days. I don't think you would have had the gravediggers create a spot for the body, if my forms weren't in.

Aunt: Wait, who are you?

Woman: I am the secretary for the overseeing the cemetery grounds.

Grandma: Well, nice to meet you. I still don't understand, why we can't continue?

Secretary: Like a told you before your forms weren't in.

Family member: shit, it's haute outside Lady.

Family member 2: It's not gunna take long to realize how inconvenient you informed us this dilemma.
Aunt: well, I used my connections and I got connected to someone important that wants to speak to you.

Aunt hands cell phone to secretary.

Family Member: who are you on the phone with?

Aunt: Just the governor. We are friends and I informed him  about the situation.

Secretary comes back.

Secretary: sorry about the confusion. I probably just lost one of the forms. Carry on.

I hope you like the random pictures I am going to be adding to give my blog a bit more spunk. Sometimes pictures are louder than words

Saturday, April 9, 2011


I am spending the entire weekend working on my grant application and my senior project presention. And well..... It isn't going as well as yesterday. I have been sitting at the computer finding ways to inspire my thinking cap so it can start working. Guess I can't force it. Oh well. Decided to look up different expressions of love with art for motivation. Here's what I found: 
Ever ever after
If we just don't get it our own way
Ever ever after
It may only be a wish away

Sometimes you reach what's real just by making believe
Unafraid, unashamed
There is joy to be claimed in this world
You even might wind up being glad to be you

"The way he treated me and the way I treated him, the way we took care of each other and our family, while he lived. That is so much more important than the idea I will see him someday. I don’t think I’ll ever see Carl again. But I saw him. We saw each other. We found each other in the cosmos, and that was wonderful."