Thursday, March 31, 2011


I just realized that my blog doesn't have a purpose. Instead it is my online diary of some of the thoughts that run through my head. I have decided to start a Disney blog. It is going to be about what is going on in the Disney company such as movies and talent gossip.

The Future Disney Perez hilton


After re-reading last nights post....
I have decided that I should not dwell on the can't.
When my friend described me yesterday he said,
"This girl can get through anything, it may not be the right way. But she get's through it."
Just thinking about that makes me feel stronger when I am lonely or feel down on myself. I have gone to hell and back. And I am still here.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011


I can only be strong for so long before I wear myself out. i can't handle Right now the amount of negative things that occurred in a sequence. I have gotten kicked out of too many places for showing emotion. This only teaches me to cover up how I am truly feeling to everyone except my close friends. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut I suppose and just cry silently.

I am usually much stronger than how I am appearing right now. Every hero has a weakness. I suppose this is my weakness right now. I used to say growing up "Don't mess with the "S". Supergirl!!" Guess I should live by that motto. Pardon my moment of vulnerability but I my blog be a place where I can show all the different sides of me without an judgment.

I should do an entry about how I grew up. If you knew my history then you would know how strong i have had to be at such an early age. Unless your a close friend or my boyfriend. I don't know how comfortable I feel about sharing my history. Its too hard to write and some of it maybe unbelievable but I share it happened. Fuck, too emotional right now. I need to sleep.

Grammar Issues

I just read my what I wrote during spring break about my senior project and shit my grammar sucks. At least I have my ideas down. Now I just gotta send a few hours working on the sentence structures.

Even though I wasn't around people my age. A bunch of things happened.

My Return To Philadelphia

Both my flights were early which I wasn't too happy about. When I landed in Orlando, I sprinted to the nearest shop where I could get a mickey and Florida shot glass. (I have to get two because I always end up breaking one. Every time.) Just made it to board the flight going to Philadelphia. I had quite pleasant conversations with the two women I was sitting next to and played games while listening to music on my phone.

When I arrived in Philadelphia, I had a few missed calls from friends. As I was walking through the airport to baggage claim, I was already making plans for the night. Probably shouldn't have, but I was too eager to be around people my own age. I took a cab to my car and called Steph. She was the first friend I was going to have an adventure with.

Steph and I decided we should go get dinner together outside the city. We both agreed Princeton would be a good town to have dinner in. And Boy was it a good choice. We ended up going to the Mediterranean restaurant. We realized when we got there that a bit younger than the crowd that filled the restaurant. That didn't stop us from having a pleasant evening....

I noticed that there was a really cute waiter (that unfortunately wasn't ours.) He wasn't steph's type but definitely mine. ;) He was quite adorable. (How I know he wasn't Steph's type was because she told me. She has a particular type.) We devised a plan on how to talk to him. I'm not gunna reveal all of my secrets now. ;) I will say we got game. We made that handsome man's night. He was smiling and telling all the other waiters about how he got my number. It was quite cute.

Steph and I dashed to frozen yogurt shop ten minutes before it closed before we headed back to Philadelphia. I dropped her off and then hung out my apt of my 3 best friends. And then made it back to my apt and to bed a little after 2AM.

Well, I am off to auditions for Noises Off.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


So today has been an interesting travel experience. It all started yesterday when my bag broke. The fabric was disassembling from the handles. And with the way that I pack, no bueno. The bag would have broken before I even got to security,
So last night before it started down pouring, my grandma and I went to TJ Maxx. We were both shocked at some of the expensive price tags of the bags we both liked.
I eventually ended up getting a gorgeous pastel butterfly bag by lucky and a wallet. (so I wouldn't loose my ID, credit card, student ID and everything else found in a wallet it again.)

After we bought the two items, we then realized it was down pouring. So I ran out in the rain and got the car to picked my grandma up at the store entrance. As I was driving back to where we were staying, the VSC light and the check engine light went on. Well this wasn't good. My grandma (who already was an infamous backseat driver) was not making the situation any better. We got home safely so that's all that matters.

This morning my grandma woke me up super early cause we weren't sure if the car would make it to the airport. Mornings are not my finest hour, actually they would be my worst hour. Unfortunately for my parents, they have learned this the hard way. Growing up, I used to competitively figure skate and would wake up at 5AM to go to practice. My dad would normally be the one to take me in the mornings and over the years learned to avoid me until after I have eaten. My mom on the other hand, learned how grumpy I get in the morning much later.

Now back to the story of this morning, my grandma woke me up this morning extra early so we could figure out what to do about the car situation and apparently we were going shopping too. These facts didn't quite click at first and I was wondering why my grandma had woken me up so early. We ended up going to enterprise and renting a car for a day. And as we were going to enterprise all the VSC and check engine lights turned off. Probably cause it was my grandpa who was driving. (The car likes the owner better than me lol)

After we left enterprise with the dodge we rented, we went to the outlet malls. An unexpected surprise. We went to different stores, I wanted to go to Guess so that was the last store that we stopped at. My grandma had to get something so she met me at guess. I found this romper that I liked. Since my grandma didn't like, I was gunn a purchase it for myself. While we were in the check out line, my grandma insinuated that what I was getting looked like something that a prostitute would wear. That didn't sit well with me. Also the fact that my credit card refused to work. As a result I didn't get the romper. Although I did get a cute bikini and pair of sandals. So I can't really complain.

As we left the outlet mall, my grandma and I apologized to each other. She felt bad for calling my sense a style something a Las Vagas hooker would wear. And I apologized for being ungrateful. As we finished apologizing to each other we arrived at the airport. Checked in two bags without a line. We said our goodbyes and now I am at the terminal about to leave Fort Myers for Orlando.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Note 2 self

Stop obsessing over boys. Back to focusing on work.


So My best friend and I are planning a trip to travel across the country.

And well, I just told the boy who I have had my longest relationship with.We had a friends with benefits relationship from sophomore year of high school to sophomore/junior year of college. We have hooked-up at his works, in cars, his house, my apt in Colorado, and my apt in philly. Our hook-ups were so sexy and steamy. He is the only one who can turn me on like a switch. Disney is the only boy who could even compare to how steamy our hooks were.

Well anyways, I told about our trip and shit he knows me too well. He told me what could potentially happen if I were to visit him while he was in Colorado. The temptation is so great to just jump his bones. But I am on a new path to prove to myself that i can be faithful.

Even if nothing works out between Disney, at least I will know in my heart that I can stay committed to one boy for a long period time. He can have all the fun he wants with as many girls as he wants. He is so sexy girls flock to his dreaminess. I just want know I can like one boy for longer than 3 months which is the length of time of my longest relationship.

Anyways back to Colorado. He is the only boy I feel comfortable with to talk about other boys with and talk to sexy with. Too bad majority of the time he is flirting with me he has a girlfriend. The things I could do with that boy. Omg you could only imagine. And apparently as I fantasize about him, he has been dreaming of hooking -up with me. This boy knows me know me to well ugh. He shares his feelings and is infatuated with me.

Best Advice

  • just stop thinking into things so much
  • its not a science
  • relax and go with the flow stop trying to figure boys out and just have fun. and make them chase you. dont tell them so much... leave whether u like them or not a mystery... and dont text them so much make them text you
  • if they dont chase u they arent interested enough

Midnight in Paris Trailer 2011 HD

Woody Allen's new movie Midnight in Paris looks simply adorable. I wish my grandma was alive to see this movie with me. I think she would fall in love with it. RIP Grandma Monique.

Random Fact:
When Owen Wilson and Rachel McAdams are standing on a bridge with water lilies in the background, they are not in Paris they are actually in Claude Monet's Garden.

Senior Project Process

As I was getting burnt yesterday, I did manage to make some process on my senior project business plan. Basically I wrote down essential starting background of how I got this idea to create a social network for the arts. And then within the background info, I discussed why their is a need for this product at Drexel and potentially other universities. I think overwhelmed a few people when i asked them if they would want to be involved in the arts....Oops :/
Also I own my grandma an apology. I have a tendency to be bitchy when it comes to my writing.

Sunday, March 27, 2011


No base tan + spf 15 + 3hours on beach =


Boys Suck

Well I can scratch the boy from high school from my list of boys. Turns out he doesn't want to get to know me. He only wants me for my body. Ugh. He is pestering me for a picture of my body. So i posted a picture on my facebook of what I looked like before I turned into a tomato. Apparently that wasn't good enough. He wanted a picture just for him and that the one I posted was only a tease. I don't feel comfortable sending him any other type of photo.
  • A) I am not that kind of girl.
  • B) I barely know him. (even though we went to grade school together)
  • C) He only wants me for my body.
This boy won't stop pestering me for a picture!! I told me that I didn't feel comfortable sending him one. His response was "you don't trust me?" Um.... Well duh. I don't trust you. You went straight from small talk to asking me for a photo. He obviously has no interest in knowing me for me. He just wants my body. I am not going to apologize for respecting myself by not sending him a photo.
Had he asked me while we were in high school, I probably would have said yes. Since I was always focused on figure skating, I had a lot of low self-confidence. I felt that i would need to send that type of photos to boys in order for them to like me and want me. Ever since I have met such a sweet nice boy, I have realized that I don't need to send those types of photos for boys to like me. A sweet boy is empowering. :) I think im gunna wait for the sexy sweet boy working at Disney. Even though we are going to apart for while, that doesn't mean when he returns things can't work out. Anything can happen. I just have to not think about boys for a while lol.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Boys Boys Boys

Well since I giving Disney space and dealing with my family affair, boys have been flocking to me. Okay so its only 3 boys but still thats alot!!

First it started with Nashville. He was the man I was flirting with over the summer. I ran into him 3 times and thought it was fate. I didn't know anyone in Nashville, and then I run into this gorgeous man by chance. Since I am a huge believer of fate, I fell for him, hard. We talked all summer and then at the end we went on a date. Then we still talked a bit. I saw him again after my grandma's funeral. He met my grandparents and parents. I am surprised he called me today.

The second boy that reached out to me was a kid from high school. He messaged me out of blue. And he wanted hang out with me. I was like sure, why not? Then he asked me what I would like to do go out or have a few drinks, cuddle and watch a movie. Also there was a couch I could crash on. After some small talk, he revealed that he has has a crush on me for the longest time. and like how did I feel about that. And well.. I don't like being put on the spot. So I was like well we will see what happens. ;) he was like gunna play that card? Well if I give a definite answer and we hang out.....well then its gunna be expectations and well i don't like seeing expectations I can't meet. He asked me again what I wanted to do. I love to cuddle so... I opted to stay in and watch a movie. I don't how I feel about the situation. He never really talked to me when we ere in grades school together. So I don't understand why he didn't talk to me ever. And why now? Just seems kind of odd.

The third man that reached out to me, was a guy I started to talking from okcupid. Although it was small talk, there were some intense flirting. :) I don't have as much to write about this one cause I don't have any history with him yet.

Not sure what I am going to do. I really like Disney but I need to give him his space. He is having an awesome time and going through that transition phase from classes to starting co-op. Soon hopefully he talks to me. I feel that I reached out to him enough for him to realize that I like him and that I don't want to move on but I want to give him his space. Also I want him to reach out to me because I can't talk to him. When I like a boy my game goes way down. I get nervous and clingy and don't know what to say also I talk too much sometimes., If he watches the movies I burned for him. (Best gift i ever gave a boy.) I'll have something to talk about. I guess, if we both agree there wont be a future for the two of us, then I will pursue these other boys. But I don't want to be left waiting like I am in a doctor's office with no end in site.

I guess I will just play it by ear and hope for the best. I will keep my head focused on my senior project and getting better grades.

Who is Clara?

So there is a HUGE mystery in my family. Who is Clara Hollander or Clara Tarieff?

Today, my grandparents and I took a road trip to meet my grandpa's mother's brother, great Uncle George. He was quite the adorable old man. He was also very emotional which made him a bit cuter. We didn't get much information about who my grandfather's mother is. He spent a big bunch of creating his family tree. And yet he could find very little about Clara, his sister. Apparently his family had kept it quiet on Clara's whereabouts as well. The only information both our families know is that she was put into a metal institution, she was married to my grandfather's father, and that both families covered up her existance.

It took us two hours to get there. And we were greeted as though we were long lost brother. George and his wife Dotty were so cute. It was a good thing that we have this opportunity to see him because he health didn't match his spirit. His poor hear has been giving him some difficult but it hasn't stopped him from completing his family tree. George showed us all the work that he has done over the years and it is quite extensive. He had copies of my grandpa's parents marriage certificate and old family photos. My grandma and I could see the family resemblance between Great-Uncle George and my grandpa. Also we could see the family resemblance between my dad and my grandpa's grandpa (so my great-great-grandpa).

It was quite interesting to hear the history of the two families and how Clara must have stirred up quite the family controversy because everyone who knew about her and her whereabouts kept it a secret to their graves. Either there must have been bad blood between families, or she might have ran away. It is not clear what could have happened. Now I am really curious to find out what had happened. The most likely story is that she was mental unstable and no one wanted that to get out.

The more I learn about this mystery the more I learn about extensive my family history is. There is quite a bit of drama in my family that still remains and has just been passed on to other generations just not the way they planned. Kinda how now there are 3 generations of hollanders plus 1 immediate family member are on a mission to find out who Clara is.

My head is still spinning in circles over this matter. I will finish this post in a few. I need to take a shower and just think for a few.

Friday, March 25, 2011


Going on road trip tomorrow to meet my great-uncle with my grandparents. It is going to be quite an interesting experience. There are a lot emotions circling through my family right now. Not sure how to react. Being an only child can be quite lonesome.

Family Affair

Had a fabulous day, today. Woke up around 10am and was by the pool by 11am. Got really frigidity so I walked about three miles which took about an hour. The picture below is where the rock formation that I walked to.

It was amazing walk. People are so interesting! Saw a few people kayaks. Little kids are so cute on the beach especially when they are in kayaks! lol Also ran into a few feathered friends who were walking along the shore line.

The most fascinating thing I saw on my adventure to the rock formation was probably the sand castle. there were two little signs that said Please keep off.

After my nice long walk. Spent the rest of the day with my grandparents. And we had a blast. My grandma and I video chatted with my mom. She thought it was the coolest thing ever seeing my mom on the other side of the phone call. :) We hung up, my grandparents took a nap as I worked by the pool. Both my grandparents helped me make big decisions regarding my senior project. My grandma helped me with the purpose while my grandpa helped me with the budget.

After dinner, my grandpa and I went on a walk to watch the sunset. We saw quite a bit of wildlife while we walked!!

I think this was probably the best sunset I have ever seen. Probably because I got to share it with someone so special to my heart. My grandpa and I really bonded during this walk and as we found a bench to sit and witness this amazing daily occurrence. Pictures only kinda do it justice. and since I took a bunch. The best ones are below.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Sammy Formal!

I got invited to my first formal by a boy!! Usually I do inviting so it is a nice change to be invited to somewhere. Although there isn't any romantic feeling since my date is my almost brother, its still pretty cool. I love him and his fraternity brothers. So it will be a fun dance.

Senior Project Blues

For my senior project, I am creating an agency/social network for the arts.

This is a lot more work than I thought. Ugh. So i have laid out the submission process for talent, classes, projects and organizations. Also started studying how to create lines of code for the website. Next comes the creation of the logo and business plan. This going to be alot of work! Probably gunna spend the whole day by the pool/gulf just writing the business plan and the outline that I am going to give the website creators.

Ask me about what I am doing if you want more details. I dont want to post them because I dont want anyone to copy my idea. I have only told my family and 2 other people the exact details.

Blogging therapy

So blogging has become my new therapeutic outlet lol. I can just spill out all of my feelings anonymously. Sorta lol

Dear Diary

Feelings SUCK!!!!!!! I have alot of feelings for this boy....

....and well I am not sure he has the same feelings for me as I do for him. I am one that notices the little things. It took him 3 months to get my number after we had hooked-up on Halloween. And 2 weeks later we went our first date.

I really like him but he didn't say good-bye before he left for 6 months to work at the DisneyPark in Orlando,Fl. It was my fault that I lost my phone before he left. And I understand that he wanted to be with his fraternity brothers before he left and things weren't that serious between us so he wasn't obligated too. So I mean that's fine.

It was really awkward the last time we hung out. I tried kissing him and he was not about it. Yet he was leading me when he had to go to the br and get more beer. He told me that he didn't want to h/u (make-out) cause we couldn't be anything. Yeah he was leaving and i graduating. But I told him we should just live in the moment. We were both wasted but still.

What bothers me about the whole situation is I assumed that he really liked me. And like now its weird. I don't know whether or not to move on or not. Cause if he really likes me, I am willing to wait. My senior project is going to allow me to stay in Philly after I graduate so waiting is no big deal. But if not, then fine I'll move on. It will be difficult but I am willing to do it.

I have a tendency to be super clingy (boys have said that I can be) And this is an extremely exciting time for him. Shit he is going to work at Disney!! That is so exciting and he probably doesn't want to be tied down while he is in Orlando looking uber fine with tons of girls around him. Seriously if I was him, I would be having the time of my life.

I am on with the assumption that I should move on. But I don't really want to. I felt so comfortable around him. He liked me for me and my crazy shinnanaggins. I like him for him. He is a great adorably sexy human with such amazing motivation and ambition. I strive to be a better human just so i can impress him.

I wish he would just share his feelings with me. Maybe then I would feel better about the whole situation. Idk if i should text him or fb chat him or just wait for him to reach out to me. I dont want to be waiting forever or waiting for something that wont come.

All n All, I am super happy that he is pursuing his dreams. He should be having the time of his life and not worrying about little old me.I am just stuck with leftover unresolved feelings.


So I had left my phone in cab. And the man who had my phone wouldn't return it to me. As a result, I was left phone-less for a while.....

....It took 12 hours for UPS to deliever my cell phone from the distribution center in Naples, Fl to where I am located in Naples,Fl. Why it took 12 hours I will never know.

These are the first picture I took with my new phone. Its the view of the gulf of Mexico.


So I am going on a road trip with my grandparents to meet my great uncle. This is an exciting adventure especially since my grandpa has never met him!! We are just discovering a new addition to our family. More to come on what happens!!!
So Annie Leibovitz has teamed up with Disney to produce the Disney Dream ads. These are the latest photos of the campaign. I am literally obsessed with them. Can I work for Disney marketing like right now??

Queen Latifah as Ursala from the Little Mermaid.

Where memories take hold and never let go

Olivia Wilde and Alec Baldwin from the characters from Snow White.

Where magic speaks, even when your the fairest of them all

Penelope Cruz and Jeff Bridges as Beauty and the Beast

Where a moment of beauty lasts forever.

I am a bit Disney obsessed so these ads only make me want to work for them more. Even though they have the worst reputation for how they treat their employees. I have been having a bad couple of the days so these ads just inspire me.


I might get kicked out of Drexel because I can't take test. Fuck!!!!!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Sunscreen Shock

So I have learned the hard way to put on sunscreen more carefully. I can't wear a bra cause I have sunburn sporadically in the most awkward spots. Like one half and in between my chest.

my grandpa thought his mother died at childbirth when in fact the woman rising him actually knew she was alive.My great grandmother had severe post pardum depression and was institutionalized. My grandpa was raised by one of the triples. Helen I believe. And she had actually visited him a few times in past 50 years before her death.

The reason this came was because his mother apparently had a brother. He has called my grandpa to find out about his sister because he was going a family tree. Well my grandfather only knows her maiden name because he was looking through his fathers belongings. He discovered at 8years old that he had a brother walking through the graveyard reading the family tombstones.

The reason he knows so little is because apparently it was hard for my grandfather's father. And they didn't want my grandfather to know. They thought it was better if he didn't know.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Hello Dear Friend

Since I am about to graduate Drexel Univeristy, I have been reminiscing quite about. Particularly about what prior work experiences. One thing that hasn't changed is that my mind is constantly racing. And one can only do so many things at one.

One thing let to another and well I am back and this is an entry about I got to where I am sitting right now.

Currently, I am in Naples, Florida staying at my grandparents condo. It was an unexpected surprise having the opportunity to be down here. And actually quite a challenging travel experience.

I realized I lost my wallet about an hour before I had to leave for the airport. I was about to grab my wallet to leave to buy a parking spot for car on campus. And well my bright pink leopard wallet was no where to be found. I parked my car close to campus where there was free parking and campus security. The septa cashier gave me a free train ticket when I told him how much I was struggling.(I also lost my cell phone a few days prior.) I passed through airport security with an expired license and copy of my current one that made to send the cell phone insurance company.(You will hear about how I feel about them later.) ince there wasn't a store in the airport that would take my personal checks. (I found this out by walking across the airport and back. ) I slept awkwardly in front of cute stranger.

Southwest airlines is great because you can sit near the front and meet great people unexpectedly. I met this fabulous married couple. I sat next to the wife and we literally talked the whole duration of the plane ride. It was great. I wish I gave her my business card so we could have more great conversations. :/

My grandma was adorably waiting for me at the exit. I sensibly over packed and such a comfort to see my grandmas warm smiling face. She then told me as I am hanging by a thread with heavy luggage all over my upper body. She told me anxiously that we needed to hurry to see "The man with the Golden Flute." She was a little disappointed when I told her in addition to my two large carry-ons I had also another one waiting for me at baggage claim. Luckily it didn't take long to retrieve my bag and greet my grandpa driving the car.

The Philharmonic Center for the Arts in Naples, Florida is one of the most amazing theatres I have ever been to. There are art pieces dispersed everywhere through out the lobby and the patron area. Part of the lobby was an actual museum! It was a perfect symbiosis of the arts.
I need to go there again. It was unfortunate I was too tired to appreciate the opportunity my grandparents were giving me.

Finally got some sleep though in the end.

Today was spent in two ways. On the phone and around food (a typical Jewish way) I'm still can't believe what I encountered today and need to go get some sleep and try to get on a normal sleeping schedule.